CRIME BRIEFS: GREG FULTZ'S IDIOTIC BILLBOARD, MORE

MEET the biggest dick on the planet, June 9, 2011 edition. Greg Fultz. Not happy with his ex-girlfriend. Not at all. The New Mexican nimrod took out a billboard showing him cuddling the outline of a baby with the words: "This would have been a picture of my 2-month old baby if the mother had decided to not KILL our child!" Problem is, his ex, Nani Lawrence didn't have an abortion. She had a miscarriage. WORLD'S BIGGEST MORON

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* STUPID COUPLE DRIVE BOOTED CAR: Stupid is spreading like wildfire. Check it out: Carina Rios, 19, and Alejandro Alvarez, 22, parked their car in an Illinois mall parking lot (we do shit like that too) and head to Six Flags Great America across the street. Parking guy puts a boot on their car. They had no money pay. So they drove on with the boot. Yeah, it was dumb.
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TIFFANY STARTZ KILLS MAN WITH PARTY-TRICK PUNCH

HOW'S THIS for piss-poor luck? Meathead John Powell, 25, is at a party. Playing games. Sez to blonde party girl Tiffany K. Startz, "for $5 you can punch in the face." Good clean fun, right? Well, our 22-year-old heroine popped him all right. Poor John collapsed and died. In an Illinois courtroom, a judge ruled Tiff must stand trial after a judge refused to drop charges against her and the party host. His mom Theresa Guy says: " She can't walk away." Her lawyer says (and we agree) that Startz didn't commit a crime.
According to cops, Jimmy E. Mounts, 27, offered guests at the Sept. 25 party $5 to take a punch from Startz, 5-foot-5 and 142 lbs. Powell, 5-foot-8 and 140 lbs., accepted the offer. He took the punch, collected his money and continued talking with friends. He collapsed a few minutes later and the coroner said he died of a
brain hemorrhage caused by blunt-force trauma. Well, okay not really our kind of bash but still, he literally asked for it. She's back in court June 16.